The beauty and mystery of Cambodia

I'm so aware that I am behind on blog posts and other than the meditation course and one short post about being sick I realise I haven't posted anything on Cambodia! My month in Cambodia was pivotal in my travels, largely because of the meditation course but also because of what I saw and experienced throughout the country.

After two days in Phnom Penh we went straight down south to Kampot. Kampot is a really chill town that doesn't have much of a nightlife, which turned out to be for the best because John was sick the day we arrived, and I got sick two days after. In between bouts of inevitable illness from weeks of backpacking we rented scooters and explored Bokor National Park. 

The ride up to the park alone was an incredible experience and for me was more scenic and enjoyable than the Hai Van pass. The drive is along one, long, winding continuous road which inclines steadily and I could feel the temperature dropping, so if I were to give only one piece of advice for visiting this park it would be - take a jumper. What a mistake. Despite being freezing I didn't let it detract from the incredible views. We mainly visited the park to see the abandoned church and casino which are both really cool to explore. They were built by the French as a retreat from the heat (something I wish I would have read before my visit, don't forget that jumper!) The casino is huge and really eerie, with nothing much to indicate the glamour of gambling, and the church is still full of Christian religious statues which really surprised me as I thought it would be totally empty.

After Kampot we headed to Sihanoukville and caught a boat to the island of Koh Rong. The community of this island really touched me, it's a pretty small island and all of the locals know each other and look out for eachother. The kids are so independent (although this is pretty common for South East Asia) and the younger ones seem to know their way around pretty well. The electricity is pretty erratic, we witnessed two short power cuts whilst sat in a bar one night in the space of fifteen minutes. There's also no hot water and the wifi doesn't work that well so it really is a little out of civilisation but this really adds to the experience, so if you want a more authetic taste of island life then go.
We took a boat trip out one day and went fishing with hooks and bait on wire, visited a private beach and went swimming in the ocean at night with bioluminescent plankton. WOW. Every movement created a starry underwater universe that drips shining from your body once you emerge. There's some scientific reason behind why the plankton glows, but I don't know it and I don't plan on finding out. This was magical for me.

Cambodia is popular with backpackers and tourists for Angkor Wat, an ancient civilisation of temples and ruins. All of the temples (especially Ta Prohm or "Tomb Raider" temple) are shrouded in such a powerful mystery that no temple will ever feel the same again after a visit here. I visited Ayuttaya in Thailand which was cool and very worthwhile, but it was nothing compared to how compelling Angkor Wat was for me. Some of the temples are set back in the Cambodian jungle and we passed through local villages to get there. We hired scooters which is the easiest way to get around most places in South East, but you can hire a tuk tuk for the day and barter them down to a cheap rate. The temples left me hungry for more knowledge. Who lived here? How did they build it? What did the people look like? Imagine being the guy who discovered all of this!

I got the impression from most backpackers I spoke to that Cambodia didn't seem to be a country many stay in that long, some stopping only for a few days in Siem Reap to visit Angkor Wat. There really is so much more to explore here, and places have a less "touristy" feel (Angkor Wat aside). On a more personal level, Cambodia is definitely the country I learnt the most in so far. I got sick there, my biggest fear, but I got over it. With sickness came another kind of sickness, for a few days I craved home and home comforts, but I got over that too. Being able to meditate in a country with such a painful recent history was also a huge privilege, one which I am only fully realising now, and a powerful way to end my stay in Cambodia. 

Silent work

When I talk about completing a 10 day Vipassana meditation course the question most people ask is "Did you enjoy it?" It takes me a while to answer this question. 10 days of no phone, no talking (noble silence), no eye contact, no jewellery, no books or writing materials and no music is a huge test in itself. Then you have the meditation, which you practise for 11 hours a day. Meditation is associated with complete chill and relaxation, but this was work. Hard and - at times - frustrating work.

I completed my Vipassana course at a centre in Cambodia, Battambang province, about 2 and a half hours away from Siem Reap. On arrival I filled out a registration form and received a small paper booklet about the rules and guidelines of the course along with my room number (30) and locker key. I was then led to my assigned locker where I had to put my phone, camera, money and other valuables for the next 10 and a half days. Goodbye!

My room is very basic...honestly more like a cell containing my bed, mosquito net (VERY necessary), umbrella, eating utilities and a meditation mat and cushion if I want to meditate in my own room during the allowed hours (which I never chose to do especially after finding a huge gecko-like creature hiding behind my mat on day 6, but I'll tell that story another time). The Bell rings for the first time that evening and we all go to the hall for our first session. At 7pm on the first day noble silence beings.

Leading a simplistic lifestyle was a huge breath of fresh air at first. With no phone to distract me I drink in all of my surroundings in detail. On the first evening the sky turned pink over the fields and I surrendered to the moment competely, no instagram snap, no snapchat, just TAKE IT ALL IN. Breathe. 

I also adjusted to a new routine quite quickly. Every day I made my bed, swept out my room, arranged my clothes for the next day. These small and simple tasks become a staple in a routine with no distraction and carrying out these tasks so methodically became a welcome break from the hours of mental challenge. Noble silence was also easier than I thought it would be, especially as you become so focused on the practise. My biggest struggle lay in focusing my mind. For the first few days my thoughts crashed around inside my head, uncontrollable, vibrant and constant. No matter how many times I called it back and began to focus on my respiration I would be an unwitting passenger to my train of thought in less then a few minutes. Then I'd stop mid-thought, realisation would hit me, and I'd have to start over. Patience. In time my thoughts faded. They were still there, but I could hold them at a distance. After three days of focusing on our respiration to make our minds sharp, we moved onto practising Vipassana.

Practising the technique of Vipassana over time enables you to deal more effectivley with cravings or aversions, therefore eradicating misery over time. Vipassana is insight meditation. You focus on the sensations that you feel all over your body and work to remain "equanimous" to them, no matter whether they are enjoyable or painful. For example, I felt a lot of pain in my back during meditation, but instead of focusing on it and thinking "I am in pain", I had to work to be equanimous towards it, and accept that the feeling will arise and pass. The law of nature. Anicca, anicca, anicca. Amazingly this did work over time and the pain did subside during sessions, althouhh it never disappeared completely. It is much more difficult to remain equanimous to positive sensations. After a few days I felt this very subtle tingling sensation over most of my body, growing stronger over time. It's incredible how in tune you become to your body and how susceptible your mind is to each subtle sensation. Rather than enjoying the sensation and longing for it to happen each time I meditated, I had to again work to accept that it will arise and pass. You are not there to "chase" certain sensations or expect them, but to observe the reality as it is for you at that moment.

Additionally, there was a lot of emphasis on misery and how misery is not external, but internal. Misery is created internally due to various factors, something a person isn't happy with within themselves, or about themselves, or the way they may have handled a certain situation for example. This struck a personal chord with me as there have been a good few events in my life that have upset me and affected the way I deal with certain situations (the struggle with my skin being one of them, affecting my self-confidence and having a knock on effect later on in my life in how I think people perceive me and not speaking up when I don't like how I am being treated.) I had a very powerful profound moment during mediation that is difficult for me to explain but had a long lasting effect on me, a mindshift that I know will change how I deal with things going forward. I gained a lot from the course, but this was definitely the most defining moment for me.

A 10 day course if Vipassana is not meant to set you up for a lifetime of happiness. Meditation is a practise for a reason, you are meant to continue to meditate every day, 2 hours, once in the morning and once at night if you want to continue progress and grow. Since completing the course I have managed to practise for only 2 hours in one week (shared dorms in hostels don't create the most appropriate atmosphere for meditation.) However when I get to Australia and settle I plan to make meditation part of my new routine. I cannot express how beneficial I have found it. So did I enjoy it? Honestly, no. It was powerful, it was challenging, it was life changing, and it was intense. I am so glad I did it, as it created a shift that you only get from powerful challenges that stretch you. But wow, was I glad when it was over. 10 days is a long time for a chatty girl like me to stay silent!

I'll end this post with an excerpt from the meditation booklet that sums up the practise of Vipassana more consicley, one that I found so profound:

"The entire path (Dhamma) is a universal remedy for universal problems and has nothing to do with any organised religion or sectarianism. For this reason, it can be freely practised by everyone, at any time, in any place, without conflict due to race, community or religion, and will prove equally beneficial to one and all." - Dhamma 

Ain't that a beautiful thing?