Following Your Dreams VS. Going With Your Gut

What are you doing. You are insane. Why couldn't you just be content and happy where you were. This is ridiculous. Never again. Why are you putting yourself through this?...

...were just a few of the thoughts going over and over in my head on the 14 hour flight from Melbourne, Australia to Hanoi, Vietnam, four weeks ago. I woke up on the morning of the flight with my heart beating so hard I could hear it thudding against the mattress and that horrible but familiar sick feeling washing over me. I dismissed it as nerves.

I chose to leave Melbourne, Nobody forced me. After an amazing and challenging 9 months living, working and travelling Australia I decided I wanted a change. I wanted to go back to SE Asia to get an English teaching job, something that I had been wanting to do since me and John first backpacked Asia over a year (!) ago. I really felt that I had done everything I wanted to do in Australia and it was time for me to go and try this, otherwise I would regret it. It was exciting, but also absolutely terrifying. I had steady work in Melbourne. I had friends and a good few work connections here. Me and John had our own private room in a house share. I had comfort and routine and all the things that I craved when we first arrived here knowing nobody, with no jobs, nowhere to stay, no suitable clothing and honestly no idea where to start. And now I was going to go and do it all over again? I knew I was taking a huge risk. But I really, really wanted to do this. I wanted the experience of teaching English, I wanted the challenge and the feeling of fulfilment I felt I was lacking in my familiar lifestyle. I honestly felt in my heart that this was the next step for me to take, the next chapter in my adventure. I spoke to everybody I knew that had done it, I watched YouTube videos, I did my research. I became more and more excited as my flight date drew closer. I was ready.

And so I went. I followed my dream. At this point, I'd like to write that the flight went smoothly, that I arrived in Hanoi with no issues, and settled into my new environment like a duck to water. I'd like to write that I'm still sitting here now, in the hot, humid chaotic heat of Hanoi, typing this blog post before heading off to teach an English class. But I'm not. I'm actually back in Melbourne, sat on the same mattress that I lay on feeling sick and terrified the morning of my flight. The reality was that I suffered a good few setbacks before I even arrived in Hanoi, one of which would complicate my stay and cause a major upheaval very early on. The sick feeling and the doubt that flooded my mind never went away, it only multiplied with every unexpected setback that I encountered along the way. And although I still desperately wanted to teach and craved that experience, once I was there it just didn't feel right.

Now, I am well aware that following your dreams isn't an easy process. It takes a lot of hard work, dedication and perseverance. To achieve something that you really want means that you can't give up at every hurdle, but must push on and face the difficulties regardless. However, I am also aware that the end product, as well as the journey toward it, doesn't always look how you imagined it to. If the journey is difficult but feels worthwhile, then I believe that you should continue despite the difficulties. However, if your feelings change, if you have every instinct screaming in opposition, or even just an underlying feeling of uncomfortable uncertainty, then it's time to reconsider. What do you want, really? What do you need right now? Consider the situation. Consider the timing. And above all, consider your gut feeling. It's instinct, and it really is the strongest navigation through life.

I don't want this post to suggest that following your dreams is a bad thing. I still believe in it, I still encourage it, and I won't give up on mine. I still want to go out and teach English somewhere. I still want that experience. I'll still seek out opportunities in the future. This isn't about giving up, it's about changing direction. I've never had such a strong pull of emotions before that has changed how I feel about a goal or experience. It was a whole flood of feeling that I just couldn't ignore or explain. Honestly, it was pretty heart-breaking. It didn't make my decision to leave Hanoi easy, despite the intensity of feeling that it was the right thing to do. I chose to listen to my instinct and I don't regret it.

In the end, my reasons for leaving Hanoi were emotional and complicated. I felt that I had to cut my losses and return to Australia, not because I missed it or was greatly attached to my experience there, but because it's the place that holds everything I need right now. I don't regret going to Hanoi, and I don't regret leaving it either. The whole experience was one invaluable and important life lesson; ultimately, yes, follow your dreams, but above all else follow your heart and your instinct. If the two work together in harmony, then persevere, but if they don't, block out all of the outside noise and listen to your deepest emotions.

Transition period

I've been travelling for a little over 2 months now. My time in Vietnam has come to an end and tomorrow I get a 6 hour bus to Cambodia from Ho Chi Minh city where the contents of my backpack is currently strewn all over the floor of a private room (a treat to myself after weeks of shared dorms and disturbed sleep.) As soon as I arrived in Ho Chi Minh a sense of realisation settled, a little sadness, not because I don't like Ho Chi Minh, but because it's the end. This isn't the end with a capital E, I'm still travelling, I still have over a month left and after that a new beginning in Australia, but the final few days in each country and the preperation to leave for a new one brings an inevitable heaviness in my heart.

I feel like most long-term travelers will be hardened to this, they will have adjusted to constantly moving and saying equally as many goodbyes as greetings. I'm definitely not there yet and I can't imagine myself ever being there this early on in my journey. Even though I've felt a little flatness before leaving countries before it's hit me harder this time. Vietnam has been where we have ran into so many familiar faces from Thailand and Laos as well as making a lot of new friends and we've made the journey from north to south in under 4 weeks due to us crossing over a few days late from Laos, so the whole few weeks have been fast and fun - filled.

Before I came away, 3 months sounded like plenty of time to backpack South East Asia. It was all ahead of me with only the next destination to think about, and here I am, 2 months later and 3 countries down. It has absolutely flown.

I know that with each ending comes a new beginning. A few days into Cambodia the sadness will subside and I'll be fully immersed into exploring somewhere new. Until then, goodbye Vietnam, you've been a blast, here's to the stillness and peaceful mist of the Sapa mountains, the breathtaking limestone islands of Ha Long bay, skinny dipping in the ocean of Cat Ba, the wonderful mazes and craziness of Hanoi, lush green plains and amazing caves of Phong Nha, buying beautiful wares and lantern lights in Hoi An, sunbathing and partying in Nha Trang and ending it all in rainy Saigon, enjoying the last days and revelling in the wonder of it all, the excitement and freedom of backpacking. 

Grace xo

Bikes, buses and the Hai Van Pass

In South East Asia no space is left unfilled. The streets are lined with markets selling food by day and souveniers by night. The roads are a hive of activity of scooters weaving in and out of coaches and taxis. Fold-out seats in minivans and additional plastic stools in restaurants are commonplace. Hanoi fascinated me, it was an enchanting maze of multiple storey townhouses where fairylights and lanterns lead the way to hidden cafes. Every nook and cranny is utilised into a shop, a booking office, a street food stall.

Public transport is a less romantic scene. Night buses are a cheap and popular way to travel around Vietnam; two floors of fold out seats with a slot to cram your feet into and a blanket to comfort you through the night as the bus thunders down the roads. I've heard stories of locals cramming into the aisles and sleeping on the floor although I haven't experienced this yet. Even though the buses are cheap and easy, for real freedom and independence most backpackers choose to travel Vietnam by bike. 

Bikes are everywhere. They are cheap to buy, easy to obtain and efficient to drive on the busy roads. When we arrived in Hanoi I didn't feel confident enough to tackle the chaotic traffic on a scooter alone. However, the lure of the popular Hai Van pass motivated me to build up the courage to learn so after a few shaky lessons and around Hue I rented my own scooter ready for the ride to Hoi An. 

Vietnam is such a beautiful country and you miss all of the scenery on night buses, but by bike you are surrounded by it and can stop at any point to take it all in. I pulled over so many times to take photos and I would have stopped more but I forced myself to drive on and enjoy the moment. 

If you really want to do Hai Van pass by scooter but don't feel confident enough to drive yourself then there are plenty of options available. Easy rider is the most popular, you can jump on the back of a scooter with a rider who works for the company and they strap your bags to the back. Family rider is also another option and you can make a full day out of it stopping at the various sights and tourist attractions along the way, like Elephant falls and Marble Mountain. As soon as you arrive in Hue you'll be pretty much inundated with offers, but like anywhere in the world where there's a high demand there are also elaborate scams so stay safe, do your research and don't feel pressurised to give anybody any money on the spot. 

If you still want to ride Hai Van pass on your own scooter and you're not that experienced at riding, I would rent out a scooter the day/a few days before and go for some practise drives. I'm am a VERY nervous driver at home and I never would have thought I would be able to drive a scooter with ease. Hue was a good place to practise and we found some quiet roads for me to get the grips with the basics. The roads on Hai Van pass are smooth and there are no ridiculous hills, although there are a few sharp turns but nothing too difficult. Most companies send your bags down to the hostel/hotel you are staying in as well so you don't have to worry about the additional weight. 

If you're still undecided then take this one last thing into consideration. The drive from Hue to Hoi An on total took around 4 hours but took us 6 as we stopped off a few times. I would say only roughly 40 minutes of this is the actual Hai Van pass. Once you get into De Nang (a coastal town before Hoi An) you're in the midst of some extremely busy Vietnamese traffic. It's not on the same level as Hanoi and the roads are fine, and I can get pretty nervous and found it manageable, so if you want to drive it yourself then I would say do it, be bold, be brave, be safe of course, wear a helmet and whatever you choose just enjoy the ride! 

Exploring North Vietnam

After a long and languorous week in Luang Prabang my senses were awoken with a start when we arrived in Hanoi, Vietnam. The capital is loud, hot and hectic with the craziest traffic I have ever seen! There's a consistent flow of scooters from every corner and the streets are packed with cafes, restaurants and markets. It has actually been really refreshing to be back in an exciting city with so much going on and I have rapidly fallen in love with Hanoi and all of it's hidden gems. However, a few days in any major city can be pretty intense and I was longing to stretch my legs somewhere, so we booked a trek among the rice padis in Sapa.

Sapa is quite far north of Hanoi so we had to get a night bus for the majority of the journey. I've been on sleeper trains before so expected a similar experience but it was much more cramped and there was a huge thunder storm all through the night. Lashing rain and flashes of lightning made it difficult to sleep so when we did arrive at Sapa town I was too tired to be enthusiastic about any trekking. However, once we arrived at the rice padis and the hills and misty mountains I was in awe. Thailand has beautiful beaches and the Laos landscapes were stunning but this was so peaceful. The first day of trekking was overcast which was perfect for me as I love landscapes shrouded in mist and cloud, the scenes were so otherworldly.

The first day of the trek was tough going climbig heady heights to gain better views of the rice padis and waterfalls. We trekked all morning for hours ending up in a village where local H'mong tribes live. As well as a tour guide leading the way we also had a group of women from the village helping us along the trek as some of the paths were slippy from the rain. Once we stopped at the village we were guided to sit down outside a school which was closed due to the holidays. The women then unloaded the contents of their bags to reveal the usual tourist "souveniers", embroidered bags, cushion covers and metal bracelets that you can get almost anywhere in South East Asia. We all saw it coming, however I was not prepared for how much we were all pressured into buying something. Usually after a few firm "no thank you's" sellers back off, but these women used guilt and the fact that we were in a secluded area to their advantage. Unfortunately no matter how careful you are out here there will come a time that you are caught out, and you just can't beat yourself up about it or let it ruin the experience.

After two days of trekking Sapa we had a one day break before heading out to Ha Long bay, one of the seven natural wonders of the world. Castaways is one really popular excursion for most backpackers and I've heard that it can get pretty wild. We chose to do a cruise through our hostel Hanoi Rocks. Both offer a really fun way to see the bay and it's a great way to meet other backpackers, as well as staying on a private island overnight. Despite traveling during low season we still passed beaches overcrowded with tourists and locals on holiday, so the fact that we had a private beach alone made doing to tour worthwhile.  

The majority of backpackers that I meet light up when they speak about Vietnam and after spending only one week here its easy to see why. Hanoi doesn't have the same suffocating feel about it as other major cities and the landscape so far has been fantastic, filmic. Our next stop will be a Phong Nha national park, but not until we've spent another few days exploring Hanoi for my 26th birthday!

Grace xo